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Curt's Chilling, but Curtis isn't 04-18-2004 I’m sorry to report that the Atlanta Journal Constitution’s Curtis Bunn is none too pleased with my systematic dismantling of the article he recently wrote in praise of future NBA lottery pick, Dwight Howard (see 04-16-04 Dean’s List). Curtis was so distraught that he curtly dismissed me as merely “talking a bunch of crap.” Adding insult to insult (apparently his specialty), the retro linguistic then advised me to “get a life…”

Catfish Hunting 04-17-2004 The name of the game is Occupations: Catfish Hunter…Leroy Butler…Jim Courier…Donald Driver…Scott Miller…Brian Hunter…Lawyer Milloy…Jeff Weaver…Mike Minter…Anthony Mason…Tiki Barber…Derek Fisher…Doctor J…Danny Farmer…Daryl Gardner…Marv Cook…Patrick Rafter…Bernie Brewer…Stephen Baker…and Chris Carpenter

The Passion Of The Christopher 04-16-2004 "The Passion of the Christ" isn’t the only fodder for religious dialogue in pop culture these days. During a recent segment on ESPN’s "Outside the Lines Nightly," Dwight Howard II, the potential top pick in this summer’s NBA Draft, said he'd “like to see the cross on the NBA’s [Jerry West] logo.” His positive intentions aside, there’s nothing positive about a future celebrity not understanding the value of separation of church and state in America. ...

Laveranues Coles Brand Charcoal 04-15-2004 The following advertisement is - or at least should be - brought to you by Laveranues Coles and the NFL: “Are you tired of the same old charcoal? Fed up with coals that won’t light when you need the grill the most? Have you had it up to here with coals that make you wish you had a gas grill? Well, take it from me, Laveranues Coles, and look no further than the fire-starter of the 21st century, Laveranues Coles Brand Charcoal. The official charcoal of Sundays and the NFL, Laveranues Coles Brand Charcoal can bring the heat under pressure and get the party started on time. All out of lighter fluid? Laveranues Coles Brand Charcoal can light a fire under itself, just like I do on offense, and make you feel like a man again. When it’s fourth and long and you need a first down, count on my brand of charcoal, Laveranues Coles Brand Charcoal, to put the reception back in barbecue. I know I do.”

St. Louis: Dominant in Tampa Bay 04-14-2004 Today’s list leads off with the name game. Naturally, I’ll be the one taking attendance - I am the Dean after all, and this is my list. So here we go with Musical Instruments: Joe Horn…Steve Saxe…Doug Flutie…Kevin Bass…Willis Reed…Derek Harper…Lute Olson…Joe Bugle…Frank Viola…Joe Morgan…George Bell...and Mark Bellhorn. Close but no Guitar: Maurice Clarett and Tom Tupa. I’m sure I missed a bunch, so please feel free to email me your thoughts. For the record, it should be noted that in the common case of repeat names, the older and/or more obscure the name, the better. Example: Willis Reed beats Andre Reed, who beats Jake Reed, who beats Josh Reed. Also, nicknames such as Jeff Bagwell’s Bagpipes do not count. This isn't the nick-name game - it’s the name game, where only naturally occurring matches have clout...

In praise of The Godfather: Part II 04-13-2004 Barry Bonds might be a jerk, but he's the greatest jerk you'll ever see. Congrats to Barry for passing Willie Mays for third place on the all-time homerun list. Indeed, The Godfather: Part II may very well be better than the original. His despicable attitude and the steroid controversy aside, Bonds has stubbornly if not heroically reigned as his sport's biggest star over the past fourteen seasons, a feat to which only the likes of Wayne Gretzky and Michael Jordan can attest. While Bonds has won six MVP Awards, Gretzky and MJ have nine and five, respectively. What separates Bonds from his dominant counterparts is that even at 39 years of age, he shows no signs of slowing down or relinquishing his title as the game's best. Then again, winning the big one is what separates Wayne and his four Stanley Cups and Michael and six NBA Titles from Barry...

Who's Who? 04-12-2004 Ironic, isn't it, that a supposedly hexed franchise willingly acquired a Kearse this off-season? Still, JK and TO in PA is more than OK. Between Jevon, Terrell and Brian Dawkins, the Eagles have the three most physically dominating players in the league, Baltimore's Lewis and Lewis notwithstanding. That's the upside for Philly. The downside? Expectations are unfairly high, as anything short of a Super Bowl will be deemed a disaster...

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