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| FEATURES |
You Say 'Ice Skate,' I Say 'Icegate'
By Dean Christopher
Date: 02-06-2006 |
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| ISU chief Ottavio Cinquanta has a plan to choke the "bad judgement" out of his sport. |
In an attempt to rid its sport of “bad judgment,” the International Skating Union has instituted an elaborate five-scale, 10.0-point scoring system that measures every aspect of the program in place of the old 6.0 scale, which loosely judged skaters on artistic and technical marks. “We are committed to avoid having another Salt Lake City,” said ISU president Ottavio Cinquanta. To be clear, Cinquanta was referring to the pairs scandal that rocked the skating world at the 2002 Winter Games, not his dislike for Mormon-dominated North American metropolises.
The infamous incident, of course, involved a French judge favoring Russia’s Elena Berezhnaya and Anton Sikharulidze over Canadian pair Jamie Sale and David Pelletier as part of a conspiracy to secure gold for France. It’s called “Skategate,” the catchiness apparently stemming from the simple rhyming scheme. But if “Watergate” is the prototype for conspirational name assignment, and if “frozen water” is “ice,” shouldn’t they call it “Icegate” (not to be confused with its phonetically identical sister, "ice skate")?
And is it any coincidence that a man named “Cinquanta” is in bed with a five-part scoring system?
When asked to comment on the new calculus, three-time US men’s champion Johnny Weir was at a loss. “I don’t really get it,” he said. “I don’t think the judges get it, I don’t think the callers get it, I don’t think all the skaters get it.” Finally – indisputable evidence that hockey players aren’t the dumbest athletes on skates.
Two-time world silver medalist Sasha Cohen, meanwhile, offered an evolutionary perspective on the revamped system, noting that the sport has become “a counting game.” You know, like math class in kindergarten.
E-mail Dean Christopher Chiungos at dean.christopher@deans-list.net. |
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